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Red Flag: Laziness and Passiveness


Jeanine Amapola and Kaleb Ward

Kait and JJ brought on Jeanine Amapola and Kaleb Ward on to talk about laziness and lack of discipline. 


Okay fammm we are continuing our season in red flags this week as we talk about LAZINESS and lack of discipline … WHEWIE, let’s do this fam!! We have our amazing friends Jeanine Amapola and Kaleb Ward on today to tackle this topic with us!! 

How would we each define laziness?

Kaleb starts us off with his definition of laziness. In Proverbs it talks about how mere TALK is a poor mentality but a man who toils will produce wealth. He says that a lot men struggle with talking about their goals, getting their woman excited about their vision, then three months go by and he hasn’t done anything. We can almost get more excited about the PRODUCT than the PROCESS. Then you have the woman wondering why the man is talking a lot but not doing a lot and this all breeds laziness. Especially in the early phases of dating men sometimes will bite off more than they can chew because they’re wanting to impress the lady and then don’t end up having follow through. 

Jeanine’s definition of laziness is the lack of CHOOSING discipline. A lot of times it’s motivation, and vision and goals but the opposite of laziness is discipline. So it’s choosing to be disciplined when it sucks and you don’t really want to do it that is the opposite of laziness. Jeanine thinks that women respect men a lot more when they choose to do hard things. 

Kait adds in one thing that can be part of laziness. Sometimes people are legit sleep deprived, maybe have a thyroid problem, they may even have struggles with depression and are BURNT OUT. Sometimes you might be lazy and there may be something behind the scenes going on. There really could be a lack of discipline however, if you find yourself feeling like you want to do things but just can’t there may be another thing going on. There is a lot to be said about type A and type B people. 

JJ talks about Genesis 3 and how the men’s achilles heal is passiveness. Adam simply WATCHED as Eve ate the fruit. It’s so interesting how we can be so disciplined in some areas of life and not in others. 

It’s all about priorities. You won’t be lazy about what you’re prioritizing. Laziness can show where your heart is. So often it’s not that people are straight up lazy, it’s that they don’t know wha they want to do in life. The struggle is that if they KNEW what they wanted to do they’d go after it but they don’t know. You have to have a PLAN. 

For an example, we see this in dating ALL THE TIME. Men will say they’re not good planners so they decide they don’t want to plan and defer to the woman. The thing about it is, that even if it’s not your tendency, you have to exercise that muscle and grow in planning. 

If laziness is in your dating relationship or in your life, then laziness in your marriage will be one of the biggest killers. 

Laziness can be such a turn off because it can reveal a lack of leadership. If they can’t lead themself, how can they lead you? 

There is a lot of pressure on men to have it all figured out, you just need to be DISCIPLINED in the small things and COMMITTED to moving forward and not stagnant. 

What are some red flags that someone may be lazy in DATING? How do you SPOT it?

Kaleb was quick to talk about his room. He thinks that your room is a representation of your life in many ways. Kait says one sign may be not initiating important conversations. It could be a sign that you’re more proactive than they are. As a type A person you have to make sure you’re giving space for the other person to start that conversation. But, if they’re NEVER starting those, that may be a red flag of some laziness. Jeanine looks at a guys routine and schedule. She wants to see a man who is reading their Bible and working out on their OWN not having to hold them accountable to that. Kaleb also mentions that stewarding your own body is really important. JJ says that looking at their morning and night time routine is huge and a good look into their life and laziness. 

JJ brings up a good point of different spheres of laziness. Relational laziness, emotional laziness, physical laziness, and most important spiritual laziness. These are so important to look at and evaluate. 

Is there a difference between being LAZY and being LAID back? Is there a grey area?

Nothing is black and white. Sometimes people CAN mask their laziness by calling it laid back. Your personality has been gifted and created by the creator and it’s not an accident. The gift of adaptability is huge and can translate to being more laid back. However, this can go too far and all of a sudden you have no direction and have this “God’s got it” mentality but really you’re just not taking any responsibility. 

A lot of people want to blame their bad habits on their personality when really you have the  power and free will to change those. The differentiating thing between laziness and being laid back is what you ALWAYS do versus what you SOMETIMES do. 

Some people have strengths in areas and others don’t. There has to be compromise in growing and working on those weaknesses. 

Is there a difference between laziness and apathy?

Apathy is the inability to enter into someone else’s emotions. It could totally lead into laziness! It would be emotional laziness.

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Jeanine Amapola and Kaleb Ward

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Jeanine Amapola is a 29 year old YouTuber, Social Media Influencer, & Podcast Host from Dallas, TX. Jeanine has been working in social media for 11 years and has garnered over 2.5 million followers across all her platforms and over 3.4 million streams on her podcast, Happy and Healthy. She has a heart to help young women become confident and secure in themselves through Christ and to know Jesus more — all while sharing other helpful tips in beauty, fashion, and lifestyle along the way. And she is soon to marry her finance, Kaleb Ward!

Kait Tomlin

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Kait Tomlin is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018.

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband JJ and their pups Lovey and Teddy. She loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

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JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.

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