next episode
PodcastHODCPatreonblogSCHOOL OF DATINGHamburger Navigation IconSearch Icon

Red Flag: Bad with Money and Finances


Sarah Kurtenbach

Kait and JJ have Sarah Kurtenbach on to talk about finances, debt, and being bad with money in dating. 


You guysss we’re back today with our series on RED FLAGS with a topic we have really NEVER talked about!! We’re talking with Sarah Kurtenbach today to talk about FINANCES and MONEY in dating. Whew! We’re going THERE! Buckle up! 

Sarah’s story about dating and what happened with finances in dating.

Money is a PILLAR in someone’s life so we HAVE to figure out how to manage money. Sarah’s first experience of dating and finances happened when she was 27 and living in New York City. She had been in a relationship with a man for three years and really saw a future with him. Money and finances were never a concern in their relationship because they never TALKED about it. They had a long distance relationship so one day he calls her and spills EVERYTHING about where he is at financially. He proceeds to tell Sarah that he’s in a lot of financial trouble, he hasnn’t been able to pay his bills for months, and then asks her if she would be willing to loan him money so he could pay for his bills. Sarah was SHOCKED. He then made her feel obligated and pressured to give to him because he said he would give her the money if she was in this situation. She really thought through it for the next day and what’s interesting is that she would usually seek guidance from mentors or her parents when faced with a big decsion like this but she called NOBODY. Why? Because she was ashamed and embarrassed for him and for herself. 

Key takeaway for singles: If you’re ever in a situation and you DON’T seek out mentorship and guidance from ANYONE because you’re ashamed or embarrassed that is a RED FLAG!

Sooo, after Sarah thought about it for a day she decided to loan him the money. So the next day she transferred THOUSANDS of dollars to him. Shortly after that she felt the Holy Spirit telling her she ended to end that relationship. So she DID end the relationship and NEVER got the money back. He said he would pay her back and never did so this was a HUGE learning lesson for Sarah! She learned that something that they never talked about in a relationship and then never sought guidance about then became a BREAKING POINT in the relationship and an ENDING POINT. 

What are red flag signs in DATING that someone is maybe bad with money? What are signs YOU maybe missed?

When you’re dating someone there are 3 CORE red flags you should look out for when it comes to MONEY! 

The first one is, that the person has NO money GOALS or PLAN. If someone doesn’t have an aspiration or goal of where they want to be financially, they will NEVER get there, obviously. The average american lives paycheck to paycheck and Sarah believes one of the main reasons for this is that they have no financial goals. Therefore they will live status quo their whole life and accept that as normal. They’ll say, “living paycheck to paycheck is NORMAL,” “having debt is NORMAL.” Well you know what, normal sucks! We sure don’t want to be that kind of normal when it comes to money! Then maybe someone has a goal but they don’t have a PLAN. We can never get where we want to go if we have no PLAN to get there. 

The second red flag is, if they HIDE their current money situation from YOU. In a beautiful, open, God-fearing relationship there is transparency and vulnerability and that includes MONEY. This is especially important because marriage is a merger, and whatever they’re coming with will then become yours too! 

The third red flag is, if someone is too PRIDEFUL to seek help or guidance from someone else when it comes to their money! There are very FEW people who can manage ALL of their assets on their own. If they can’t seek help from a money standpoint they probably won’t seek help in other areas of their life. Everyone should have a board of directors in their life and that includes finances. 

What are some good questions to ask to really scope out how someone is with money before you get too far in? When should you start asking these questions?

There is no SET time or date when you should have this conversation. So Sarah recommends having a money conversation with someone when you feel like you’re getting to that point where you’re falling in love with them. You should 100% have the conversation BEFORE engagement! A good way to bring up this conversation is to say,
“Hey I know money is such a massive piller in our lives, I think it would be really great if we sat down and shared we were both at financially so we can be transparent and on the same page.” A FINANCE date!!!! Hahaha it’s not an interview though! 

What if someone has a lot of debt… what should be a red flag versus what is permissible?

The good thing about money is that almost anything with money is fixable!! There are TWO things you need though to fix it. First, a PLAN! How are you going to pay off your debt? What’s the timeframe? The second thing is, DISCIPLINE! You will never pay anything off if you don’t have discipline. So if you’re dating someone who has debt you need to ask yourself if they have a plan and if they have discipline? If they have a plan and discipline then they’ll get it paid off and that is fixable! If they have no plan and they have no discipline then that is a RED FLAG because you have no idea when they’ll get it paid off or what they’ll do with money in the future. 

It’s so important for singles to have the mentatliy of being an ASSET for a future spouse. 

So this podcast is for singles- What are the top 1-2 ways to get themselves ahead FINANCIALLY as a single??

Sarah says she has TWO things she recommends for singles to get themselves ahead! 

The first thing is, DON’T WAIT until you fall in love/get married to figure out your finances. Women, don’t wait for a man to financially take care of you. Men, don’t wait until you fall in love/get married to get your fiances together. You do have to be able to steward finances well to take care of a family. The second is to start INVESTING NOW! The power of TIME in investing is HUGE! 

Your money mistakes do not define you! 

Headshot of Sarah

Sarah Kurtenbach

Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconYoutube IconCustom Icon

Sarah Kurtenbach has over 13 years of experience working in technology, social media and influencer marketing. 

Her current business venture is building moveHER Money - an online educational program to equip high school and college girls with financial intelligence. Sarah is passionate about seeing young women rise up in the area of leadership and money management as they engage with truth in a refreshing way!

After being a VP of a Fortune 500 Media Company in Atlanta and NYC, Sarah moved back home to South Dakota to marry the love of her life (Chad) and start a consulting practice. They have a son, Pierce and a daughter, Ava. If there's one thing you can find in her house it's either coffee or dance parties.

Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon

Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon

Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon
Share this episode
Headshot of Kait Warman

Never Miss an Episode

Let’s clear through the dating fog together.

Stay up to date with all our latest episodes featuring fresh, compelling topics and guests weekly!

Meet us on the Gram!

White close sign

Looking for something specific?