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Mini Man-sode 20: Guard Your Heart or Guard Her Heart?


JJ Tomlin

JJ unpacks the question of what guarding your heart as a man and guarding her heart really should look like. 

Is it Guard Her Heart or Guard Your Heart???

  • Honestly I think both are important! And what does it look like:
  • 1) in your life  2) your crush life in dating  3) your girlfriend’s heart in dating 

In your life!!! Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23)

  • So this is Solomon and this is for all humans, men, women, boys and girls… 
  • I think specifically as a Christian, this is the ultimate training ground FOR ALL of us regardless of where we are. 
  • I would say it’s even more important the more you grow in your life, the more you have people looking up to you, for you help, leadership, dependence. It  is increasingly important for you to take this so seriously. 
  • Our dear friend JP frequently says your heart doesn't want what it wants, it wants what you feed it. 
  • So with tenacity in every area of my life, music, video, tiktok, instagram reels, everything.
  • I think one of the most dangerous attitudes as a christian who is maybe more mature, has been a chrisitan for a while, or a leader, is that “I can handle it, I am mature, I can watch a R rated movie and nudity and it not affect me, I can be on tiktok and see a couple videos of soft porn and young girls dancing and it not affect me.” This is the greatest lie and trap we could ever believe. It screams arrogance and places us in the very tempting situation we want to avoid.

Let’s take inventory of what NOT to do

  • I think the one thing I have been hearing a lot lately and is some great wisdom: if you cannot eliminate habits and consumption, you can only replace them. 
  • Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
  • This is why something like.. worship music in the background all day doesn’t make you more spiritual… but it certainly does FILL your mind ALL day with wonderful praise and worship, setting our hearts and minds on GOD and in glimpses and snapshots and snippets and bursts. I love it!! It is so awesome!! 
  • COMMUNITY!! Surrounding yourself with GODLY people! LIFE GIVING GODLY people WHO LOVE GOD. 
  • CONTENT - filling up on CONTENT that fills and inspires you in GOD

YOUR CRUSH life.. Guard your heart in your crush life!!!

  • The silent crushes and friendationships in our life are often the silent killers of jealousy, comparison, insecurity and peacelessness that ravaged us quietly under the surface. The hidden crush in my heart, while it seems playful and fun can quietly be destroying joy and distracting me from the purpose of my life and relationship with GOD!
  • We can quickly and quietly become so consumed with crushes, that we analyze and process thoughts, feelings and actions just as if they were God themselves. Will they like this? Notice this? Find this attractive?? I mean imagine if we lived our Christian life with that tenacity!! 
  • When it comes to your church crush, these are much bigger deals than we ever consider them to be. Here is what we need to do in order to address this in a healthy and WISE way…. 
  • 1 - Accept where you are at, notice what drives the attraction. Take inventory and notice why! There are indicators everywhere to why you are interested, this is a super awesome opportunity for you to learn and grow for yourself! 
  • 2 - Move forward. One way or another, we have to realize that this person either is interested in us or not. 
  • 3 - If they are interested hold it loosely. Failed expectations are the breeding ground for disappointment. We have total control over our expectations. Personally, I have a policy of when it comes to human beings - I have no expectations. I think it’s unfair to them, their feelings and who they are to project my expectations on them especially in dating. They are who they are, a blank canvas, let them paint that canvas for you! 
  • 4 - Pray that God would illuminate and highlight clarity, not that they are the one! Pray, God, if this is a green light for who you have me to be pursuing would you give me peace and make it abundantly clear. And God, if this is a NO, would you make it abundantly clear and give me no peace about moving forward! 

Not only are you in charge of your heart men, but now are you in charge of her heart? The gatekeeper of her heart?

  • Is this okay? Is this good? Yes, to the degree you are leading the relationship as a man, you are responsible for what you are leading the relationship into consuming, practicing and absorbing. 
  • Essentially, what it means is that the man is taking responsibility for the emotional and spiritual health of his girlfriend. He recognizes her identity first.
  • This is where it is important to recognize the foundational theology that we are practicing here…. That the man LEADS… the man is given the honor and responsibility to LEAD. This is stemming from the foundation of Genesis, where Adam was given the OG responsibility to lead and this is also mimicking the foundation of MARRIAGE. Where the man is called to guide, lead, provide and takes responsibility of the health and success of the relationship.
  • What does this look like??? Well it means one thing super clearly, her needs start to take prioritizaion over yours. As in your needs matter and must be addressed, but hers begin to come first. Both of those statements are a big deal! This means the way you treat her (which shouldn’t differ too much from how you operate as a christian man) is filled with love, encouragement, kindness, integrity, edification, bolstering, and unconditional compassion. This is the snapshot of marriage.. quite literally you are practicing the relational dynamic and covenant of marriage! 

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JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.

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