.jpg)
.png)
Join Kait and JJ as they tackle the nuanced hot topic of drinking, nicotine, vaping, and weed.
We have to first set the foundation by acknowledging that we’re not saved by not smoking and drinking. ONLY Jesus and accepting him into your heart saves you. CONVICTION in this conversation is HUGE! If you are convicted by one of these behaviors out of principal or scripture, then that for us is by far the GREATEST priority. That DOES change from person to person especially when scripture isn’t entirely CLEAR! A great scripture point is 1 Corinthians 10:23 “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.” A question we LOVE to ask is, “does it glorify and advance my relationship with God?”
This one is huge because people judge so quickly here! The truth is we all have a bias here based on what you experienced in your family, community, and church. Let’s start off with someone who is a SOCIAL DRINKER, as in, they have a glass or two of wine at dinner with friends once or twice a week some weeks, not at all. This is where Kait falls! Kait saw leaders who she really respected, drinking in MODERATION in a really healthy way and this helped her form her beliefs around it.
Jesus made wine on purpose for the wedding, that was His first miracle! Paul told Timothy to drink it medicinally. Church leaders are not to be ENSLAVED to it! Moderate use is OKAY. There is no scriptual case that absolutely that forbids alcohol. That means that absistence of alcohol in totality is based off of principle. Ephesians 5 talks about not getting drunk with wine. Romans 14 talks about it being good not to drink or anything that casues your brother to stumble. Hosea 4 says to beware of wine as it takes from understanding. Proverbs 31 says it is not for kings to get drunk. Side note…defintiely check out the Becoming Something Podcast with JP Polkuda. They have a GREAT episode about this!!
What is your motivation for drinking? There are 3 categories here… 1) Someone who drinks social (we’ve already discussed. 2) Someone who drinks more perpetually. They drink more often and when they do they may opt for the 3rd or 4th glass. This could be classified as a functioning alcoholic. They don’t need it everyday, but they go overboard when they do. 3) Someone who truly has an addiction. They have to have it everyday. If you’re in category 2 or 3 that’s where you need to start really taking inventory and start using discernment.
WHY do people eliminate others immediately for alcohol even if only socially?
This could be because of the person’s own past experiences with people who had ADDICTION. It could also be because it was drille dinto them that alcohol is the devil. This could also be scripture out of context. And lastly, we all have BIAS and personal preference here.
We want to encourage those of you who have eliminated others based on this, to be more open and get curious with those who are drinking SOCIALLY. If this is something that you can’t be around because of your own experience, etc. then we have empathy for you here!
Smoking is VERY broad. There’s cigarettes once a week, cigar every morning, dip every two hours, blunt once a month, vaping, etc. This is all very different!
First, cigarettes! For Kait, this is different, because cigarettes also HARM others around you. There is harm in second hand smoke. Kait personally has asthma, so for her this would be a deal breaker. JJ thinks that cigarettes get a bad rap because you never see someone having a casual cigarette with their quite time or after church.
Cigars are next! Sooo we googled it and smoking one cigar is the eqivilant of smoking a whole pack of unfiltered cigarettes. JJ thinks that if you are going to draw a line on nicotine then it has to be across the board.
There is also Dip, Zyn, and Vaping. JJ did do Zyn before and Kait was SO grossed out. Mainly, because it is so bad for your gums, so Kait asked him to stop. As a way to honor Kait, JJ did stop. For JJ, nicotine and caffeine are in the same conversation because they’re both so addictive. Caffeine is just more acceptable than nicotine is.
JJ says, you have to have a rule of life here otherwise it gets really messy really quick. For JJ that rule of life is if this thing has taken an ADDICTIVE, external CONTROL of your HEART, and more importantly, is it a consistent crutch for you to emotionally and spiritually lean on for a physical altering or feeling of your mind then it’s off limits.
With weed there are differences as well. There are people who smoke for medicinal reasons or take gummies for medicinal reasons, then there are those who smoke recreationally/socially, but then there are some who have a borderline addiction. The thing here is that weed is very different from a perspective of it’s effect on the body. You can drink a beer and not get drunk, however, you can’t smoke a blunt and not get high.
The thing with weed is that it is similar to alcohol where you open yourself up to another spirit. It’s not just bodily, it also is mind altering. To be blunt, no pun intended… other than medicinal use for legitimate cases, we don’t see how it in any way advances your relationship, or glorifies God.
To close, weather it’s alcohol, smoking, or weed, it all depends on MOTIVATION. Why are you drinking? Is it to numb out, or is it to enjoy a meal with a friend and because you genuinely like the taste of wine? Why are you smoking cigarettes? To get thin or curb your appetite? Are you addicted? With cigarettes it’s near impossible to not get addicted. Why are you smoking cigars? Is it a social and occasional thing with your closest Christian brothers? Why are you using ZYN? Why are you smoking weed? Is it to numb out or “feel” a certain way? I think that is when we cross into this territory that is extremely wrong.
Enjoyment does not inherently make things wrong. BUT, this is a fact of life… enjoyable things can quickly become more than enjoyable things. If we are not WISE and SOBER, then this enjoyable activity is something you cannot go without, you cannot give up. Before you know it, it has occupied a place in your heart and soul that Jesus should occupy. At the end of the day it ends up being an idol.
Take some time to figure out what your motivation is for any of these categories. Talk with your friends and figure out where you fall.
.png)
Kait Tomlin is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018.
Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband JJ and their pups Lovey and Teddy. She loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.
JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.
.png)
Stay up to date with all our latest episodes featuring fresh, compelling topics and guests weekly!
Each week we’ll drop in with practical dating advice, funny relatable stories, answers to hard questions, and content created to equip YOU in your dating life. So much better than junk mail, am I right?
© 2022 The Heart of Dating | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Accessibility | Design by Beachside Studio
.png)
