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Single Men's Roundtable


Gareth Pon, JJ Tomlin, Jason Raine

Today on the Heart of Dating, we are doing something HIGHLY requested… and that’s a single men’s panel! We brought on three epic dudes, and friends of Kait Warman, to discuss Christian dating from a man’s perspective: Jason Raine, Gareth Pon, and JJ Tomlin who are ALL a part of the epic men’s community here at Heart of Dating.

On this episode they discuss common hurdles they face as Christian single men as well as share their perspective on some of the biggest questions Christian women have!

How do you feel about women “dropping the hanky” (aka making the first move)?

  • The guys discuss how it feels encouraging and uplifting when someone recognizes the person of who you are and how receiving a little cue really helps encourage them to make a move!
  • It’s exciting to know that a girl puts herself out there even if it’s nerve wracking and the guy’s talk about how it’s an attractive quality when a woman shows that confidence.
  • They also reassure the ladies to NOT look too deeply into how fast he responds to a DM… sometimes, he really just may be busy!

Do you think a woman dropping the hanky limits your desire to actually pursue her?

  • It  can actually increase the potential desire because most guys take it as a compliment as it makes them feel seen
  • It doesn’t limit the desire, it gives the guy encouragement and actually accelerates the process!

If a girl presented to you that she was expecting more of a date vs a “hang out” how should it be presented… and would YOU as a man, want it to be presented to you in the first place?

  • Jason shares his own experience when it came to him falling short on being someone who plans dates in advance.
  • Gareth shares that if you’re REALLY into the person… be blunt with it in a tasteful way! Honesty goes a long way.
  • Most guys can take a bit of direction. Read the room and BE HONEST.
  • Feel free to make suggestions and present it in a fun and feminine way.

Would you be open to dating more than one person at a time, and if yes HOW would you handle that with honor?

  • Dating more than one person at a time is OKAY as long as you do it with honor and with clear communication.
  • Understand what stage you're in. If you’re in the early stages of dating, then it’s okay to be open to other options. 
  • Dating multiple people at once can actually lift all the pressure on dating and make you feel free to get to know multiple people and help you get to know them without so much pressure.
  • Remember to always be honest with the person you’re dating and treat the situation with honor.

How do you manage opposite sex friendships so it doesn’t turn into a “friendationship”?

  • At some point I think you have to make the decision “ Do you wanna be a man that leads like a man or do you wanna be a man that leads like a boy?”
  • No one should be left in the position of ambiguity or “friendationship”.
  • Work up the courage, ask her clarifying questions if it’s ambiguous what message she is sending you.

“Clarity is not about being cool, it’s about being clear and clear is sexy.”

“ Do you wanna be a man that leads like a man or do you wanna be a man that leads like a boy?” -JJ Tomlin

How have you seen vulnerability be important in your life & in dating?

  • In reality, dating is dating, and there’s a degree of vulnerability that involves forgiveness in that space.
  • Vulnerability is a really important part of dating as you’re opening yourself up to another person, however make sure to not get TOO far ahead of yourself.

What is the top quality you are looking for in a woman?

  • When a woman has an active spiritual community, Jason discusses that that reflects that they are seeking growth.
  • JJ looks for a woman with character who is committed and submitted to God.
  • Gareth is a big communicator, and he talks about how he looks for someone who dives deep in understanding and is investing time with communication.

What do you love about our men’s community at HOD?

  • Since COVID, community hasn’t been the easiest to find in recent years, so this is a great space to do that.
  • Community is really an important aspect of life and DATING and it’s important for men to find a space to talk with other men.
  • Every guy is plugged in, every guy is being known, we build relationships first and share experiences and learnings.
  • The space is a place for men to practice vulnerability and really lean on other Christian men to support them on their singleness and dating journey.
  • On the practical end, the men’s community is a great space to get a lot of tips on dating and pick up great date ideas.

What is your one-liner, final nugget of dating advice?

  • “Are you gonna pastor her or Will God be pastoring you together?” - JJ Tomlin
  • “Allow God to write your story and narrative throughout the process.” - Gareth Pon
  • “True curiosity leads to vulnerability.” - Jason Raine

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Gareth Pon

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Gareth Pon is a South African born, Los Angeles Dwelling, Creative Director, Effulgent Daydreamer, Multifaceted Maker, Photographer, Storyteller and at some stage Africa’s Top Instagrammer. Gareth is a big dreamer and believes everyone should have at least one ridiculous dream they believe can come true. Since he can remember, his dream has been to go to space.

JJ Tomlin

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JJ Tomlin is a missionary kid born in Belgium, originally from Tennessee, and currently residing in the OC. He currently works in Gaming/E-Commerce, enjoys watching his Tennessee Titans on Sundays with his Goldendoodle Teddy and loves working with Christian men to raise the bar in singleness and dating.

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Jason Raine

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Jason Raine is an LA native, born and raised. He currently serves as a young adult's leader and works a full-time job in Telecommunications. Jason came to know the Lord as a young adult and has a passion for serving in young adults' ministry. Jason loves technology and world missions. He just recently came back from a mission trip in Serbia, where he partnered and ministered to young adults.

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