The week on the Heart of Dating podcast, we have co-founders of Delight Ministries Mac and Kenz as guests on the show! Mac and Kenz started Delight Ministries in college and since then have expanded their ministry to 140 different chapters all over college campuses in the United States. They are also authors of the book For the Girl and have created an online interactive quiz for women to better understand how they date. They are also hosts and creators of the For the Girl podcast in which they encourage women to grow deeper in their relationship with Christ. Recently, they’ve created and published a devotional workbook titled, How to Prepare for Your Love Story that encourages women to get deep into loving and know themselves in Christ in preparation for a romantic relationship.
When did you first discover you were a little bit different when it came to dating?
- Kenz said that almost immediately after becoming friends freshman year in college, they recognized their differences when it comes to dating.
- Kenz always had guys interested in her and she was always flirting while Mac, on the other hand, was way too involved in college and her own life to date.
Tell us about your dating quiz. What made you want to create this quiz?
- Mac says that it was inspired by their book For the Girl which is filled with stories and devotionals all about dating and relationships.
- Mac and Kenz wanted to make Delight Ministries a place to talk about Jesus, and also talk about dating and relationships. Therefore they created a helpful resource!
- Mac says that the quiz wasn’t just made for girls to date, and pursue a relationship, but also for girls to enjoy their singleness and pursue Jesus.
- The quiz help women realize some tendencies their personality may have in dating. Being aware of this helps them date in a healthier way.
Does how we individually approach dating reflect how we approach our relationship with God?
- Kenz says that the way we approach dating and are tendencies are very similar and true to how we pursue our relationship with Jesus.
- We all have big desires and big fears. Some of us fear committed or tend to put up walls. These are some examples of how we also mirror our relationships with God.
- Mac and Kenz talk about how important it is to dive deep into a relationship with Jesus because you learn so much that impacts your relationships.
What Dating personality type are you guys?
- Kenz is the Flirt who has the tendency of always looking for the next best thing.
- Mac is the Independent who is too busy chasing her dreams to look for a relationship.
- Mac also talks about how the independent type typically fears vulnerability and intimacy as they like to stay in a place of comfort.
- Kait talks about how she took the quiz and got the Romantic type or in other words, the girl that loves love! ;)
Can you give us a rundown of the types?
- Romantic- The girl that loves love and probably has had a million boyfriends. They tend to fall easily in and out of love. Typically a romantic is more invested in the love story than the actual relationship. Sometimes they’ll end up in the wrong relationships that can distract them from their life purpose and even distract them from their own relationship with God.
- Independent: This girl is a girl that secretly wants to be loved but doesn’t want to sacrifice any of their ambitions in order to find it. Oftentimes Independents numb the pain of loneliness and typically see being with someone else as a weakness. They fear vulnerability.
- Flirt- These are the types of girls who love attention but don’t want the commitment. She is one who is great at getting guys attention, but at the end of the day doesn't want to be tied down. Flirts have unattainable expectations and tend to live by lie that there’s always someone better. Flirts also have trouble settling down and are looking for an excuse to run.
- Committed- The committed is the most common dating type, especially in Christian communities. This is the person who wants to be in a relationship and loves the comfort of having someone to be with. She probably has been dreaming of her wedding day since she was a little girl, watches HGTV, and has a collection of perfect Pinterest boards. The committed, like the Romantic, also loves loves and longs to be a wife and a mother. However, this type tens to put those things on a pedestal. Sometimes they'll bury insecurities and uncertainties and try to force relationships to work only because they want a sense of security.
- Rescuer- The rescuer is the girl who loves the bad boys. She will see potential in almost anyone and is typically drawn to guys with mysterious or rough past. The rescuer finds validation in others needing her. Rescuers have the tendency to put her identity in another person. They are typically defensive and protective of their relationships and struggle with setting healthy emotional boundaries in an attempt to fix another person. This type has the tendency to date non-believers or “missionary date”.
- Cautious- This is the second most popular dating type. This is the girl who wants to be loved, but lets her insecurities or lack of experience hold her back. This type probably doesn’t have a lot of dating experience and might be timid with physical intimacy. She probably gets nervous around boys and hides her desire to be loved. Cautious types have high standards and typically have spent a lot of time with Jesus.
What are some of the struggles or best qualities that you recognize in your dating personality?
- Kenz says that being a flirt, she tends to live in the headspace of not wanting to commit and always thinking that there could be something better out there.
- Kait talks about how we’ve become a what’s next and what’s best culture because of things like instant gratification and an overwhelming amount of choices.
- Being in the mindset of “what could be better” is a dangerous headspace to live in cause you’ll never get deeper with a person.
- Kenz also talks about some good qualities of being flirt such as they connect with people very well, are personable, and easy to talk to.
- Mac says that as Independent she doesn’t want to feel rejected or undesired, so builds up walls to protect herself.
- Independents, like cautious types also have high standards.
- Mac also says that she is not all that good at letting others get to know the real her as she goes into a different version of herself as a defensive mechanism,
- Mac says that the good qualities of being an independent is taking the type to focus on herself and become Confident.
- Kait talks about how being a romantic, she is always looking for affirmation.
- Kenz, Mac, and Kait also talk about how romantics tend to want their love story to look a very specific way.
- Kait talks about how she has learned that she has had to reaffirm her identity in Christ because she’s learned that no man will ever complete her.
- Some positive qualities of a romantic is that they love hard and selflessly.
- Kenz, Mac, and Kait talk about how God knows the desires of our heart and we can channel our romanticizing for the Lord.
- Mac say, “Take your eyes off of finding the one, and put your eyes on the ONE who already loves you so much. There is power and freedom in that”.
What is your final nugget of dating advice?
Mac: Be who God created you to be. When you step into who you are and into who He has made you to be, it brings freedom to the relationship. If you bring your best version of yourself to the table, then you’ll give the other person freedom and permission to do the same.
Kenz: God knows the plan, He knows your desire and He has a very distinct purpose for each and every person. We can NOT forget this in dating.
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