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What If You've Been Negatively Impacted By Purity Culture


Kait Tomlin & Hailey Kenyon

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Kait and Hailey share their experiences with purity culture, the lies it led them to believe and how God has redeemed their sexual past. 

Hailey’s Story

  • Sex is good. Sex is powerful. Something to be celebrated but also such a powerful thing. 
  • Grew up in a small private school so around the same 50 kids kindergarten through twelfth grade. It essentially was like a youth group always. 
  • Sex wasn’t something that was talked about often and when it was it was always talked about in a bad light. If you fall into temptation you will go to hell is the message that was preached. 
  • So many lies seeped in from a very young age such as, sex is bad, sex is dirty and gross, specifically men were gross and all they wanted was sex. 
  • Felt so uncomfortable in her body already. So any attraction she had to a boy it felt wrong and like she needed to repent. 
  • Going into college she went to a christian college but was around a ton of athletes and people who had different world views than she did. 
  • It was a different extreme where sex had no meaning and it was very confusing for her. 
  • Lost her virginity at a very young age and felt so much shame and condemnation. The advice she had been giving as a young age didn’t give her the framework for setting boundaries, how to develop a sexual ethic, or how to connect with God in the process. 
  • Led her to keep a lot of things in the dark about that relationship that was really hurtful. 
  • If the church isn’t talking and educating kids about sex then the world is going to. 

Kait’s Story

  • She grew up Catholic and very by the book. 
  • In high school she converted to non denominational and that’s when she started going to a really intense bible study of younger christians and got hit with purity culture hard. 
  • In this group is where she read the book I kissed dating goodbye and even had to sign a list of rules for dating. 
  • She lost her virginity in high school and felt so much shame and guilt, like no one would accept her now. 
  • Through this she was indoctrinated with the whole idea that it is our role as women to mitigate a man's lust. Through this thinking it led to her thinking it was always her fault if she went to far with a guy which then led to her being sexually abused and raped yet not seeing it as that because she blamed herself. 

Final Takeaways

  • Kait: It is possible to get reconnected to your heart and body in a healthy way. Rebuilding your sexual ethic is so imporant for creating and sticking to boundaries. You are not too broken or damaged. The right person is not going to overlook you just because of your sexual past. 
  • Hailey: There is no room for condemnation and shame. Take all of this to the foot of Jesus. You are so deeply loved and worthy of pure love. You are seen as holy and pure in the eyes of Jesus even if you have had sex. You aren’t weird for having sexual erges and desires, it’s a gift from God. It’s a good thing and a powerful thing. 

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Hailey Kenyon

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Hailey Kenyon is the Digital Marketing Coordinator at Heart of Dating. She has been with HOD since January 2022 where she stared out as an intern. Hailey is also a Content Creator & Communicator. She has a heart for seeing the younger generations walk out their faith boldly & love others deeply. You can follow her on instagram for daily stories and encouragement and check out her website as well!

Kait Warman

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Kait Warman is a best-selling author, speaker, popular relationship coach, and the founder of Heart of Dating. She helps thousands of men and women on their journeys through the conversations on the Heart of Dating Podcast, which launched in 2018. 

Through her ministry, Kait’s mission is to empower both men and women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, thrive with purpose, and discover clarity and vision in their life and relationships. In her new book, Thank You for Rejecting Me: Transform Pain into Purpose and Learn to Fight for Yourself, Kait vulnerably shares how she grew through her deepest, darkest rejections and offers readers the tools to heal from the past, take back their power, and walk in strength, victory, and love into their future. Kait currently lives in the Los Angeles area and loves sunshine, walks, Jesus, and lip syncing to Celine Dion.

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