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Addicted to Attention


Manda Carpenter

Manda Carpenter joins Kait to discuss what being addicted to attention looks like, how to heal from it, and practical steps to take moving forward. 

Soul Care to Save Your Life: How Radical Honesty Leads to Radical Healing

  • Manda Carpenter’s new book. 
  • Journey of how to heal the things we’d rather hide. 
  • Manda believes the only way we can experience real healing is through radical honesty. 

What are signs of someone who puts their value into attention from the opposite gender?

  • Jumping from relationship to relationship, never single. Always need to be in a relationship and being validated from a male. 
  • You alter parts of yourself to make someone like you. 
  • Sexually permisquious to keep guys coming back. 
  • Confused desire with love. 
  • Small voice (intuition/Holy Spirit)  whispering things that you’ll typically ignore. Start trusting yourself and listening to that little voice.

How does one start healing that NOW in singleness and dating?

  • Radical honesty leads to radical healing. 
  • Manda never thought she’d be the one to be unfaithful. It wasn’t like she woke up one day and decided she was going to have an affair. 
  • This was something that was a part of Manda’s story for a long time before marriage and ignored. 
  • If you think whatever struggle you have is just going to go away and that marriage will heal it or solve it - that’s absolutely wrong. Marriage will only highlight it more. 
  • Whatever isn’t healed will come up. 
  • Healing what you want to hide is so important. 
  • The idea that you’ll find “the one” or your “soulmate” is so toxic and destructive because there is no one human being who will compliment you perfectly and everything will be perfect. 
  • Fairytales aren’t real life. 
  • You are a whole person, and no-one can complete you. 
  • If you are dating, It can be a great opportunity to check in and see what’s coming up for you and learn from that so you can start tackling them not before you’re into marriage. 
  • There is no better time to do the work than when you’re single. 
  • The goal isn’t perfect, but to be perfectible and on a journey of growth. 

How does one go into the layers to figure out WHY they crave attention so much?

  • You have to get to the root to heal. 
  • For Manda she traced back the root to her childhood. 
  • Manda often says, “There isn’t a single person we wouldn’t love if we knew their story.” 
  • Knowing someone’s story doesn’t excuse their actions but it does help to have compassion and empathy for them. 
  • Therapy is huge but we do understand sometimes it’s hard to access that. 
  • Solitude retreats, mentors, enneagram, mirror therapy, and podcasts. 
  • Free way to get to know yourself better: The next time you go to hangout with a friend - ask them what it’s like to be on the other side of me? What do I leave in my wake? 
  • Manda’s book has tons of questions to ask to get to know yourself better.
  • You have to show up with a posture of humility. 

If a single person has a need for attention/ addiction to validation… What are some things they need to STOP doing right now?

  • Literally pause. Get really still and really quiet. Get alone. 
  • Start to talk to God about it through prayer. 
  • Find one person you can talk to about it. 
  • Journal about it. 
  • Do not make choices that you cannot take back. 
  • Don’t make any sexual moves with people that you can’t take back. 
  • Make decisons based out of peace and clarity not rash decisions. 
  • Don’t make decsions out of fear, make decisons out of trust. 

What is your final nugget of dating advice?

  • Come up with your non negotiables and don’t compromise on them for anyone. 
  • 3-5 value things you will not compromise on. 
  • Don’t search for a perfect person but search for someone who shares the same non-negotiables. 

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Manda Carpenter

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Manda Carpenter is a writer, a speaker, and an advocate committed to helping women grow in their relationships with God, self, and others. She is a neighbor, question-asker, and cheerleader of the underdog. Manda and her husband, Eric, are foster parents and hosts of A Longer Table Podcast. They live with their son, Shia, in Los Angeles, California. For more, check out @mandacarpenter on Instagram and

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Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon

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