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Compatibility 101: Political Differences in Dating

with

Ashley Abercrombie

Headshot of Ashley Abercrombie

Heart of Dating is thrilled to welcome back our friend, Ashley Abercrombie, to the show!

Ashley is the author of Rise of the Truth Teller and Love is the Resistance: Learn to Disagree, Resolve the Conflicts You’ve Been Avoiding Today. She is the co-host of the Why Tho Podcast with Tiffany Bluhm, and her work is featured in Oprahmag.com, Scary Mommy, Relevant and Darling magazines, Life Today, 100 Huntley Street, The Purpose Show and more.


We are continuing our compatibility series here on the podcast as we challenge mindsets, preferences, and "types" and truly go into dating with the heart posture of letting God do the unexpected! In this episode, we are diving into something that we get asked all the time here at Heart of Dating and that’s “What if we disagree when it comes to politics?”


This is a hot topic and I encourage you to listen with a humble heart as you challenge yourself in dating. We know that talking about politics is sometimes a sensitive subject, so we also encourage you to leave room to listen, empathize, and challenge your heart posture. 


Why are people making political affiliations a deal breaker more than ever before these days?

  • Ashley starts off by telling us how she didn’t grow up with political divisiveness, even if her parents came from different parties. She grew up in an atmosphere where talking about political differences was normal.
  • Unfortunately, many evangelicals have come to the conclusion that you have to act, vote, and live a certain way to love them.
  • The bible talks very specifically about giving hospitality, especially to other believers… this goes for even if they don’t look like you, act like you, or vote like you.
  • We are letting assumptions of each political stance determine how we view a person and many of us find it too risky to open up your heart, beliefs, and even just have open conversation with someone whose political stances differ from ours. 

Are there certain things that should be a deal breaker when it comes to political affiliation?

  • If a person centers their entire life on their politics, that in of itself is a dealbreaker.
  • Be weary if they are focused on everybody agreeing with them and they can’t have difficult conversations without just being divisive and awful.
  • Issues such as sexism and racism, such as putting women down and believing POC are less than are deal breakers.
  • It's a deal breaker if they use their political beliefs to use power and make people subservient to them.
  • It’s okay and healthy to set boundaries in regards to how much you bring up politics and controversial issues in conversation.
  • You can have to go into dating someone of a different political affiliation without making it the goal that you have to “bring them to your side”
  • Getting curious is so important. 
“If you are constantly trying to change a person you will be perpetually disappointed.”


Do someone’s political views show their Christian worldview? What parts of life do political beliefs inform?

  • Ashley talks about lessons she’s learned about pride and how it’s so deeply infected so many areas of her life and how this can be detrimental in searching for God-honoring relationship
  • Pride keeps us either too close-minded or open-minded where we have to find ourselves in the middle of saying “hey I’m wrong sometimes” and “hey, I’m right sometimes”. We have to find that balance of humility.
  • We have to balance where we are focusing our energy on. If it’s constantly focused on trying to prove something right, then we have to check our pride.
  • Policy breaks down to a person. 
  • A wise Christian can look into a political landscape where legislation can consider everyone and not only those who have the same beliefs as his.

“Pride is the thing that is keep us pointing our fingers everywhere else instead of dealing with our own issues”


In dating, when do you recommend bringing up political affiliation?

  • Do not bring up political affiliation early on.
  • Be careful to not just assume someone’s political stance on issues. It’s prideful to assume
  • Building trust is important before you discuss this kind of topic to another person.


What is your final nugget of dating advice?

  • Humility is the primary thing that makes a relationship thrive. 
  • “Humility is the thing that makes a relationship flourish”.
  • To have less assumptions, to suspend judgements,to have compassion,to be open on other people's perspectives and to be open to love, humility is the key.

Headshot of Ashley Abercrombie

Ashley Abercrombie

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Ashley Abercrombie is the author of Rise of the Truth Teller and Love is the Resistance: Learn to Disagree, Resolve the Conflicts You’ve Been Avoiding and Create Real Change. She is the co-host of the Why Tho Podcast with Tiffany Bluhm, and her work is featured in Oprahmag.com, Scary Mommy, Relevant and Darling magazines, Life Today, 100 Huntley Street, The Purpose Show and more. Ashley lives in Los Angeles with her partner and three children.

Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon

Website IconPodcast Mic IconInstagram IconFacebook IconLinkedIn IconTick Tok IconTwitter IconYoutube IconCustom Icon

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