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How to Communicate and Manage Expectations when You’re Opposite

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Jordan & Matt Dooley

Heart of Dating is SO beyond excited to welcome Jordan Lee Dooley BACK on the show, and this time, with her amazing husband Matt! Jordan just this week released her brand new book Own Your Everyday yall, and we are so excited for her!

Do you feel like you’re stuck with “un figured out dreams?” Do you feel the pressure to prove yourself or worry about what others will think?
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE, and Jordan’s new book, also dubbed the girlfriends guide to a purpose driven life will leave you feeling inspired and excited to move forward with clarity and purpose.

On top of now being an AUTHOR, Jordan is also a podcaster, content creator, speaker, and entrepreneur whose mission is to equip women with the tools they need to show up for what they’re made to do in their career or business, and in their everyday life.

Jordan has been featured in Inc. Magazine, Ariana Huffington’s Thrive Global, Thought Catalog, and more.

She describes herself as multi-passionate, is a 3 on the enneagram, and is happily married to her college sweetheart, Matt. The best part is that Matt now works alongside Jordan as a powerhouse DUO!!!

On this episode, Matt and Jordan talk to Kait about how they have navigated being opposites in their relationship, particularly on the topic of communication! Jordan is goal setting as a 3 on the enneagram while Matt is much more laid back. However, through healthy and practical steps, both of them have learned how to compliment one another and work together to create a healthy relationship through open communication and practical boundaries.

How does being opposites play out in dating?

  • Jordan is a homebody, but when she goes out she likes sharing experiences with people. Matt was more independent doing things.
  • It takes time to realize that other people doing things differently.
  • As long as you have a similar vision and common goals and values, it’s totally OKAY to be with someone who does things differently.
  • At the end of the day, it’s important to have the same MISSION.

Jordan, who do you balance being a  #GIRLBOSS in a relationship? How have you let Matt take leadership and do things for you?

  • Jordan mentions that it is definitely a challenge being that way by nature she likes figuring out things on my own.
  • It takes boundaries and accountability.
  • We have to protect our marriage and family from overworking.
  • Jordan talks about she needed to come to the realization that she needs to set work boundaries.
  • You need to be fully present in a relationship.
  • “No matter how driven or independent we are, deep down inside every single one of us is a girl who wants a prince” -Jordan Dooley
  • I’ve had to learn to give up some control
  • Once you learn how to communicate better with one another, you are able to work better together.
  • Matt says that lady #Girlbosses need to let the guy lead them, and that men need to make themselves worthy of respect.
  • Matt and Jordan talk about addressing issues head on, especially in a dating relationship.
  • “When you know your significant other has your best interest in mind, it’s something you can fall back on” -Matt Dooley

What kind of communication differences have you battled through? What are some practical strategies to battle through it?

  • You WILL have disagreements, and it is a learning process
  • Matt talks about being upfront and honest!
  • It’s important to recognize that there are needs and differences in communication.
  • Sometimes couples focus more on being right than being unified and it’s important to recognize that and go to the root of the problem.
  • Setting strategies before conflict is KEY.
  • Girls sometimes just tell guys how they feel, but guys a lot of times are looking for solutions. This is a tendency that sometimes can bring conflict in a relationship.
  • In the heat of an argument, sometimes you need to cool down to think on a rational level.
  • Kait, Jordan, and Matt talk about the “Porcupine and Rhinoceros” analogy on tendencies on how people in relationships handle conflict.

Guys typically want to fix and women generally just want to be heard, how does that play out for you?

  • Learning to listen is a true discipline!
  • There needs to be lines drawn and a healthy balance between the time to “fix” and time to “listen”.
  • Acknowledging feelings is important, but after getting the the heart of an issue, you have to get the root of it so that conflict can be addressed.
  • We cannot discount feelings, however it’s important to recognize that they can change.

Do you struggle with having expectations?

  • Jordan and Matt talk about how marriage counseling and mentorship has helped them manage and navigate expectations.
  • Identify your expectations then talk about them!
  • Matt says that premarital counseling and marriage counseling is a must! Even in dating, make sure you each have mentors to go to!
  • Pride, ego, and unmet expectations are the reasons we get stuck in our own frustrations.

What’s your final nugget of dating advice?

  • Matt says to put the other person before yourself!
  • Jordan says to STOP overthinking it! We need to stop overcomplicating our relationships.

Other Resources

Follow Jordan on Instagram HERE

Follow Matt on Instagram HERE

Get Jordan's book OYE HERE on AMAZON

Access Jordan's Website HERE

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Jordan & Matt Dooley

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